ugh time.

I can't believe the way the time moves. Lately, not a day goes by without me freaking out about how fast the past week, month, semester, year has gone by. I can't believe that on one side I am a year away from ending my sophmore year and beginning a summer of Camp Jewell and on the other, a year away from finishing my undergrad degree.
These two moments are very intense in my mind and I feel the weight of being caught in the middle of them. The early point represents a me that is confident, and easily going into a new adventure. The comfort of "having time" is all around me as I am halfway through my college years, still in the phase of my life where people say that it "doesn't matter" if I have no clue what I want to do with my life. Though I am slightly wretched with the social anxiety brought on by going into a group of complete strangers, I feel for the most part like I am where I am meant to be (both physically and figuratively).
That girl must be somewhere in me now, but she is harder to find. It wasn't the year that has left me searching for her though, because most of the year brought allowed me many moments of spirit and inspiration. Rather, it is this past month or so in which I have allowed myself to fall into a space of idleness; a space where feelings of inadequacy and incompetence grows. I worry that I have backtracked, somehow losing the motivation that has at times been such a strong characteristic in me. I see time floating by as I sit worrying over it. Wondering how I am going to get myself back on track, how I am going to recapture time.
Then there is the later point; a point which I cannot too strongly judge for I have not reached it yet. But, as I feel things now, it is a time I worry about. I am hoping that once I am back in situations that I am used to, especially back at my co-op, I will realize myself once again and be able to adjust back into begin alive again. I just wish I knew how to get myself back on track sooner than that. I don't want to be wishing away the time in between. I need to figure out how to sustain my confidence and sense of ableness.